God made an appearance in the United States Senate this morning. Entered the chamber just a few minutes before ten, Eastern Daylight Time. Walked right up to Senator Frist, stuck out a well-manicured hand and asked the Majority Leader and putative presidential candidate if Co [this is the Divine pronoun -- sort of like "he/she" or "she/he"] could give the morning invocation. Well, what could the good Dr. [he who had miraculously diagnosed Terri Schiavo without benefit of ever being within 150 miles of her] say but "Good God! You want it, you got it."
Word soon spread throughout the Capitol that God Co-self was in the Senate chamber, waiting for a quorum (perhaps a minyan) to arrive. By ten-eighteen, all one-hundred members of the Senate were gathered in hushed awe. Off to one side, just in front of the door leading to the Democrat Cloak Room stood Senators Boxer, Coleman, Feingold, Feinstein, Kohl, Lautenberg, Levin, Lieberman, Schumer, Spector and Wydner. Emanating from them was a radiance that shone with all the intensity of a 2,000 kilowatt flare.
Approaching the central rostrum, God motioned all the assembled to rise and bow their heads. Co then began:
August ladies and gentlemen of the United States Senate:
Humankind calls me by a hundred different names, and calls upon me in a thousand different ways. And yet, whether you choose to address me as God, Jesus, Ha-Shem, Allah, Vishnu or Yahweh; whether you stand, kneel or fall prostrate on the ground; whether you recite prayers that are written from left to right, right to left or top to bottom, you are all, essentially addressing Me -- the one who creates and sustains, who exalts and judges, who blesses and enables that which I pray is the very best within each of you.
Through the very act of invoking My name, you seek My guidance, My approval, and above all, My strength and blessing.
I hope you understand that I have already bestowed manifold blessings upon each and every one of you; how else could you have become United States Senators? I have permitted each of you to become leaders in this great nation. I pray that you be ever mindful of the awesome responsibility that comes from being so engifted; that you pause constantly to reflect upon the very nature of communal responsibility. May you ever keep uppermost in your hearts and minds the most basic and purposive reasons why you are here in this chamber: to feed the hungry and clothe the naked; to exercise stewardship over all the natural glories that I have created; to educate, to elevate and to advocate.
May you, who have already been given so many, many blessings, be ever cognizant of the fact that many paths can lead to the same destination. May you -- and I mean this in the collective sense -- you who call each other "My good friend," "Honorable" and "Distinguished" -- realize that I have given you two ears with which to hear and but one mouth with which to speak.
May all of you understand that although there are unquestionably many paths to the Gates of Glory, there is but one Gatekeeper -- and that is Yours Truly!
I'll make you a deal:
I shall continue to bless and keep you if you, in return, will begin acting more like the head of a fox and less like the tail-end of an ass.
I shall cause My great countenance to shine upon you if you will remember that this government belongs to the people, and not the other way around.
I shall lift up the light of My countenance and grant you peace if you will mend your ways, stop cavorting about as if you were Joshua, Isaiah, Saul of Tarshis and Mother Teresa all-rolled-int-one, and begin acting like humane servants of the people.
If you will do all these things, then I can say AMEN!!
With that, Dr. Frist walked over to Senator Reid, begged his forgiveness for being such an incredibly obnoxious blatherskite, and decided then and there to become a liberal Democrat.
When last seen, God was heading up Pennsylvania Avenue, a beatific smile on Co's face. After walking several blocks, Co headed up the drive leading to the big house sitting far back from the Avenue. The street number was 1600 . Knocking on the massive front door, God waited. And waited. At last, the door opened. Peering inside, God, a strange, almost prophetic glow emanating from Co's eyes, asked the servant who answered the door "Is Karl Rove in this morning . . .?"